What a difference a pair of skates make. I went and bought some larger skates on Tuesday and that took care of 90% of my suck. These are nice and roomy and fit my feet well. Interestingly enough, the guy who sold them to me has a wife who’s 80% done with her own chemotherapy.

Does everyone have cancer? It’s getting so played out.

So I was skating much better last night (Barb said I actually looked like a hockey player of some sort) AND I even got a goal!
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Well, the itchy hands thing has come back. I went to see my doc (who wound up as one of the top doctors in the nation according to a recent US News & World Report article) and he said it’s not related to the Hodgkin’s. He said I’ve been doing so amazingly well and the nodes have shrunk so much, that there’s just no way the cancer could be doing this.
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There. Got that out of the way, first things first. It’s almost one in the morning on Thursday, but all of the proceeding tale happened on Wednesday. Because of that and the fact that I haven’t been to sleep yet, today is still a part of yesterday to me and will be referred to as today. Or vice versa. Go it? Good. Explain it to me tomorrow. Today. Whatever.
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First off, does R. Kelly really have a song about hiding in a closet, or is he just playing a big prank on me? Not sure why he would, other than I like Me First & the Gimme Gimmes covering his music more than him singing it.

On to the post.

So I realized today that I’m not really sure how my mind is accepting/treating my cancer. I’ll explain.
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So one thing we forgot about during the honeymoon planning was that I’d need to be back in Hartford the day after my treatment to get my Neulasta shot. We talked it over with the doc and nurses and decided we could get barb to give me the shot tomorrow. They called in to place the prescription and we went to pick it up. Turns out, my insurance plan has a $3000 limit on prescriptions. One Neulasta shot costs around $2700. Eeeeyikes! When they give the shot to me in the office, it’s billed differently, so it doesn’t count against my limit. Which means we have to spend the night in Hartford, or drive 2 hours to our honeymoon spot in RI, then two hours back to here, then two hours back again. Oy. We’re spending the night.
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We’re back in Hartford today to undergo chemo treatment number 3. The wedding went without a hitch on Saturday. Wait. The wedding did wind up with one hitch - that being the hitch between Barb & I. As for problems, there were mostly none. At least, none so major that they kept Barb from having the wedding exactly like she imagined it. I call that without a hitch. Other than ours. Right.

Will Hines, groomsman extraordinaire, wins the prize for quickest publishing of photos, as well as excellent commentary. Expect more photos to slowly pop up over the ensuing weeks and months.
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I just figured I’d get this out there before the impending wedding this weekend. For anyone who’s going to be at the reception and/or the wedding and has kids, I apologize if I seem like I’m avoiding them.

But basically, I kinda am.

You see, right now all of this chemo and cancer is weakening my immune system. And you know how germs love to latch on to the little ones. So my doctor hasn’t banned me outright from being around kids just yet, but he does want me to limit contact with them.

So just please know that while on Friday and/or Saturday you might occasionally see me scooting away from the little ones, I do love all of your kids (in a friendly, non-stalkerly way) and I’m happy to see them. It’s just that for a brief period in my life, I need to see them… over there.
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Man, I’m starting to get irregular on my posting already. I’ll do better, I promise.

The past few days have been pretty good, even garnering the comment from my boss “You seem way too energetic to be going through chemo” on a couple of occasions. Today might be another matter. I woke up with the upper back/glass in spinal column pain this morning, plus a post-nasal-drip-sore throat. Oy. Our wedding is next Saturday, and I’d damn well better not have clogged sinuses.
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Well, today’s not going so well so far. Woke up at 5, nauseous, pukey and depressed. I’ve taken some of my nausea meds and am going to try going back to bed. I’ll probably give the doc a call a little later today to see what the deal is.

Yesterday wasn’t too bad for me. I’ve been having sore hands, like bruised-sore, but they’re feeling okay today.

Well, back to sleep I go…

And my throat hurts. And my back kinda. Other than that, today is just tired. On that note, I’m going downstairs to make a couple of sandwiches to go with these chips.

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve updated up here, but it’s been for a number of reasons.

1) The weather has taken a turn for the hot and my home office is not equipped for cooling. Nothing like being worn out from chemo and sitting in a hundred degree steambath trying to think of witty things to say.

2) My pain took a turn for the worse this past weekend. Unbelievable nerve-type pain through my upper back, eventually settling in my pelvis and knees. there’s three more days spent bed-ridden.
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The past two days have been pretty good, tiredness-wise. Both yesterday and today at work, I’ve felt like I did pre-chemo. Last night when I came home the 125 Outdoor from Hangtown was on, so I sat down on the couch to watch it. Then I laid down. Then I dozed off. I knew about the surprise ending already from RacerX (I usually don’t peek ahead, but I thought OLN wasn’t showing the 125s) so I woke up to slow motion that a few times. Other than that, it was down for the night. I still think I only felt regular after-work tired, though.

Today, it’s up in the air. I’ve felt good through the day, but the night hasn’t started yet. I’m still at work at the moment, but will probably be leaving before too long. Last time I looked, the traffic was insane going towards home, so I might go the other way and pick up my wedding suit. Only time and traffic will tell.

Say… maybe my horrible itching wasn’t caused by Hodgkin’s after all! Look what I found over on Gone and Forgotten today:

While I don’t recall an alien ship crashing a block away from me, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. After all, I’m fairly sure I have a brown suit. I’m going to look into repressed memory specialists. It’s gotta be easier than chemo.

So. Pretty much ever since the first chemo treatment I’ve had a craving for meat. MEAT. Specifically, a certain kind of meat that I don’t know the name of and can only vaguely recall. We had some excellent barbecue shortly after, though I knew going in that brisket wasn’t what was eating away at the pleasure centers of the little caveman in my brain. I also discovered that brisket wasn’t what my foggy Texas brain thought it was, somehow confusing it with shredded pork.

Lacking an excuse with more substance, I blame the cancer.
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Well, here I am, wide awake at 1:15 in the morning, wondering if this is a side effect of the chemo, a side effect of having to nap all through the the day, or just my regular insomnia. Maybe recapping the past day and a half will lull me into slumberland? Hmm, let’s see.
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You know, every time I start to think the chemo’s not as bad as I thought it would be, it turns around and bites me in the ass. Other than occasional waves of exhaustion, I felt pretty good yesterday. So good in fact, that I considered going in to work for a full 8 hour day. At least until 12:45 last night when…. the nausea hit.
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So last night I was feeling a little weak/tired, but not too bad, and I was downloading random songs that I’ve been wanting to get for awhile now. Barb wanted me to download some Aaron Copland songs for the wedding. Naturally, the geeks in the file-sharing world aren’t too keen on his music, so I found nothing. Barb decided to go on a quest for an actual CD, so I went along with her since I’m Mr. Music and I wasn’t feeling that bad.
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So today was the first chemo treatment - 1 down, 12 to go. So far, I don’t feel any major effects, other than my new port hurting a bit. It’s under bandages for now, so you’ll have to wait for the gruesome photography.

I really feel for the people who had to go through thisin the old days, however. They gave me an anti-nausea drug through the port and it’s supposed to last 72 hours. I don’t feel sick, but my belly feels… weird. I would think that if it weren’t for the drug they gave me, I’d probably be puking my lungs out. As it is, I’ll just need to get up and sit down a little slower than usual to prevent all the weird gurgles.
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Sorry that I haven’t posted in a bit. It’s been a combination of drugs and not much happening.

Saturday, Joe and David stopped by to see the house and go over a plan of attack for the wedding. Joe’s going to be coordinating it for us and David’s going to be taking photos. Sunday, I basically slept all day. Monday was back to work after a stop by the bank. Not the money bank. Let’s just say we’re covering our bases on the fertility front.
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You know, I think if there’s one thing cancer teaches you, it’s how to be humble. I wound up having to leave work today because my energy was getting lower and lower and I was getting dumber and dumber.

I think, at least so far, there are two big parts to my newfound humility to get over.
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So I arrive home today to find a little envelope from St. Francis Hospital. You know, the place I was cooped up in for five days. This wasn’t a bill, as the little paper kept reiterating in bold type. This is just letting me know how much they’re trying to shake out of my insurance company. Are you ready for it? No seriously, are you ready for it?
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Okay, time to do some catching up here. Let’s see, yesterday the PET scan went well. The scanner was one of those they pull up in a trailer, rather than installed in the hospital. On the way into the trailer, up the sharp metal steps, the tech managed to knock himself right off the top step. He had reached the top and was trying to both open the door and move to the side to allow me through. His slip-on shoe hung in the stair’s teeth however, sending him swinging into the abyss hanging onto the door handle. Quite an amusing way to start the day, especially since he didn’t get hurt.
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So today’s my PET/CT scan. This one’s to find out exactly where the Hodgkin’s is and how bad, as well as give us a baseline. You see, Hodgkin’s is tough to read once it starts dying because it leaves scar tissue behind. That means that even though it might be gone from a lymph node, in a CT scan it will still look like it’s got the cancer. The PET actually checks function, so it will actually tell us how much we’re kicking the cancer’s ass later on down the line. Yeehaw.

No tests today - I get a break for the weekend. Well, except for the visiting nurse showing up this morning around 9:30. She took a good look at my incision and said that there were no stitches used, just a big steri-strip. I was starting to wonder when someone was going to be taking out the stitches I could see, but apparently I was looking at the scab of the incision. Dumbass.
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So, I haven’t taken my pain pills (Dilaudid - not nearly as good as my Lor-Tab babies) since yesterday morning, and the pain in my shoulder is gone. The only drugs I’m on are Naproxen Sodium (Generic CVS Aleve) and amazement. Either Aleve really kicks ass (Dear Aleve, I love your product. Well, not necessarily your product, but the generic brand since yours costs too damn much. Thank you, Brian) or something strange is happening with my spidey-sense. Current thinking here at the Whitney Street Brain Trust is that the lymph node under my arm seems to have stopped swelling, perhaps even has retreated a bit. This has probably caused it to stop pushing on some nerve that heretofore had me munching down pain pills like I was Paula Abdul.
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I guess I should get around to telling a little bit of my medical history so you guys know where I’m coming from. I’ve always been sick in some way, between allergies, asthma and migraines, not to mention the common childhood ailments. This was a new one on me, however.
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So today was the next baseline test - the Pulmonary Function Test. At least I think that’s what the “P” in “PFT” was - my mind fades at times.

Today as I was getting ready to go to the hospital I had my first… let’s say misgivings. I’m not up to fear just yet. I figure fear will come on the first treatment day when they insert the port and the chemo begins. For now, I’ll just call what I’m experiencing “misgivings”.
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I had my first Nuclear Medicine study today. A MUGA scan to check my heart function. Gives the doctor a baseline for later on to see if the chemotherapy winds up messing with my heart. Lovely. This is the first of a few different baseline tests.
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Today, we have one of those sort of “first day of the rest of your life” moments. Today is the day my doctor told me I have cancer.
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